Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
