So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
