I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
