When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
