toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just forgot I was standing up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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