if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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