She's JV to your varsity
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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