Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
