before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
