She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
