Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
