dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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