well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
