Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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