i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
