i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
