just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Randomize
