I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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