So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
