somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
