apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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