batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i now understand why vodka
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
