I am in a vortex of obligation.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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