I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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