The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
