shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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