well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How does it feel to date your dad?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
