3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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