it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
