I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
