I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
