a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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