idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
