I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
