So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
