i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
