dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
