It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
