i already hear my dad disowning me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
