I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
