OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
