I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
