Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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