i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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