you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
