I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
