Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
