why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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