Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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