He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
