I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
