The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
