My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
