I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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